Archive for the ‘near life experience’ Category

Do Programmers Have Feelings

Friday, March 21st, 2008

Do programmers have feelings?
Do we have normal human emotions?
Do we give birth, do we love, care, feel sadness, joy… Do we? I don’t know. I feel sad right now. It’s Friday and I feel sadness with a smoke between me index and middle finger on my right hand as I type.
Does that mean I am no good as a coder?

I don’t know.

–
Looking back I have to guess.. Sure. Developers have feelings too. Even posix h4×0r5.

I’m glad that’s over and Now I can get back to thinking of something else. Life’s short and there’s a lot of people to help out. Gotta get your ass out of your head and open your eyes wider.

Entropy’s such a bitch.
Sooner or later she’ll catch you with a butcher knife behind your back and teach you who’s your momma.
But until then..

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tao te ching translated by wing tsit chan

Tuesday, January 29th, 2008

This is the “Tao te ching”. It is a collection of 81 “poems” that make up a philosophy.
The Tao was written by Lao Tzu.

There are many translations of the Tao. Here is the version that I prefer. It was made by a
scholar named Wing Tsit Chan.
The version is not easily found, the book is out of print.
Thus, when I found it again, I placed it here so that others looking for the Wing Tsit Chan Translation of the Tao may have an easier time finding it.

tao te ching translated by wing tsit chan

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Coffee

Tuesday, January 15th, 2008

I love coffee.

Coffee should be hot.
The temperature, should be hot.
You should drink coffee when it’s almost too hit for you.
If the cofee were hotter, it would hurt you.
Perhaps it hurts a little as you drink it.

Coffee should be strong.

Coffee should not be drank in large ammounts.
Coffee should be strong, and hot.
You should not need to drink large volumes of coffee.
Good coffee does not need to be drank in large ammounts.
Drinking large ammounts of good hot coffee should make even a veteran coffee drinker feel slightly uncomfortable.

Drink and smoke.
There are three drinks that go with smoking.
Coffee, acohol, and Pepsi.
I learned this long ago, when I yet was not a smoker.

Coffee should be drank black, like a woman’s heart.
One should not put creamer or sugar in coffee.
It is permissible to do so rarely. For taste.
Use heavy cream and sugar.
Do not put non fat creamer or fake sweateners in cofee.
This is coffee. This is not about long life, this is about quality of life.
If you want to put ’shit’ in your coffee, get your coffee at McDonalds or 7Eleven.

How to Brew Coffee.

As of late my very loved method is the French Press…
To be continued.

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Invincible

Sunday, January 6th, 2008

I’m watching Invincible.

Normally I wouldn’t give two flying fucks about a goddam sports movie.
But… it was the Eagles- it was Mark Wahlberg, it was Philly.
And it’s inspiring.
And our hero is all too real-
And his neighborhood.. reminds me of my little lives past.
And it makes me miss my Pennsylvania girl.
The one who made me watch Football in a bar for the first time in my life.

invincible_35.jpg

I miss the city.
I miss Boston.
I miss what I saw of Philly.
I miss walking into a house falling down.
I miss poverty, the fucked up walls in a house run by slumlords who won’t turn up the heat in winter.
People liek Fred Ficken who you call complaining that you’re freezing to death and they have the fucking nerve to walk into your apartment unannounced and look around pause and say ‘no, it’s not cold here..’.

I miss the endless three story row houses in Mission Hill.
The roads of Roxbury.
I miss the miles of city.
The hummanity uncontrolled.
Forgotten but it still lives.
I miss the night time.
Walking alone because I have nowhere to go, for in my mind I have had a moment of clarity in which ‘home’ is only … only where my feet may be standing on at a given moment.

I miss.

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zombie

Saturday, January 5th, 2008

I’ve been up for a long time now.
I did not sleep thursday night.. and now the night of friday.. and now the morning of saturday..
How long is that?
I feel like a zombie.
.. i like feeling so tired
so tired your body hurts
but in some good way
and all you can really feel is that you are awake
and that you should not be

amazing how it helps with all the horror of life
i might be hungry even.. and i don’t care
i wouldn’t eat if some good french-cameroonian or indian food were to be in front of me..
that’s how tired i am
i am so tired i am typing this shit
slowly..ish..

holding a burnt out butt on my right hand
while i type

if i goto sleep, and sooner or later i will..
then i will perhaps dream and have more nightmares
and even if not, iw will be here all over again tommorrow
and it will start all over again
all of it
none of it
and then, and then… i will sleep
and then i will wake up
and then i will sleep
and then
i am starting to feel my eyes unbearably heavy and wanting to close as i correct my spelling mistakes as isleep.. i wonder if I am properly toing without ooking at the keyboard,,, because now my eyes ae closed….
wow…. what garble was that… i amrtpoing whjile i am asleep…
oh shit..
i just woke up

wow
weird
ok

but see.. that’s misleading
because this is how i felt friday morning at 5am when i knew i just had to go to sleep..
i felt like this
that i NEEDEd sleep
but then as soon as you get what your want, i have to stop tying..
i am seriously zoning out

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It’s my bday

Monday, July 31st, 2006

You can do whatever you want to do
other people are *not* an obstacle.

Your talent does not define your success.
It is your perseverence and your willingness to not give up on youserself that make things happen.

Other people do not set boundaries and limits on what we can and can not do.


I can prove it.

Albert Camus is a good writer. At least, I think so. And a I think a lot of other people think so as well. But how many people like his writing, or are willing to read his work?

I have read and I beliebe that a writer is made by his reader.
Thus, to be a writer, Camus must be read.
If Camus today walked door to door and asked a person if they heard of his work, how many people would say yes? If he asked them to buy a copy of one of his work, how many would? And how many would read it? How many of those would like it, and then buy another of his works also?
My crucial point:
How many doors would Camus have to knock on before he found a reader- and thus become a writer?
Ten? A hundred? A thousand?
It could be a thousand.
Does that make Camus a bad writer?
Does that mean Camus should stop trying to be a writer?

Music is another great example. People are very particular about music. I think Hank William Jr. is a good musician- Or so I hear, that many people like his music. If he knocked on my door, I would turn him away- I don't like his music. How many people would turn Mr William away?
Yet, his music is famous, millions of people in the world have paid money for his music, and admire his work.

If Camus and Hank William keep knocking on doors, somebody, somewhere, at some point- Will accept their work. They will give them a chance- Maybe even pay money for their efforts.


The same things happens with mediocre talent. How many times have you eaten a meal at a fancy restaurant that you didn't like? How many times have you paid ten dollars to watch a movie and then asked yourself 'how the hell did this stupid movie get made? This sucked! I want my money back!'
Have you ever seen a work of art that clearly was no good? You looked at the price tag and it was selling for more then your house? And then.. Maybe.. the next day.. somebody *bought* it!!!!
How does this happen?

Because just as with good talent- Mediocrity does not define who gets a chance.
No matter how lousy your talent is, you can get a chance.

I am not a hair dresser. I have no experience cutting hair.
If I apply for work cutting hair, is it true that no one will hire me? How many places do I have to apply to before I give up? How many places do I have to ask for employment before I tell myself "nobody will hire me, I give up"? Ten? A hundred? A thousand?
It's the simple law of chance. If you keep asking, you will get what you want.


What is your dream?
Do you want to be a painter? Do you want to be a musician? Do you want to be a real estate agent, a teacher? Do you want to be a basketball player?
Even if you are missing an arm, at some point- Someone will hire you to lift heavy objects if that is what you want to do.

How many times will you be turned away until you give up?

Who is really telling you no?

The curse of the human condition is that in all truth, we are in complete control of our destiny. Whatever your dream, whatever your desire; if you don't have it, it is because you stopped giving yourself a chance.

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