Heroes

What is a hero.
Would I want to be one of these people?
Have these people *used* their lives?
I know I am not doing so. I know I am wasting the time.. The time that is here for only so little.

I want to take a few moments here to express a little respect for the people I admire the most, and to say why.
I have found many times in my life when I had nothing- when I had lost something precious, and all seemed empty. And these people- when I feel like there is nothing to wake up for again.. These people serve as an example. These people put the seed of the unknown under the ground of the heart.
These people make it curious.. To see what the new day may bring.

I think that is what a hero is. Perhaps- to me.

John Steinbeck

Steinbeck wrote some stuff that they wanted you to read in High School.. The Grapes of Wrath, Of Mice and Men.

Now, I think what happens is that some of this stuff out there makes it into the hands of people in positions of authority and or influence that also have intellect. And they make it so "everyone is required to read.." - And they mean the best of it. And they may even be right. But left in the hands of a teacher who may not find similar emotions for the work.. And young students who.. Well.

Steinbeck is special. He is the kind of writer that I find most special- with uncomplicated words you are told of a fabulous story.

Most of Steinbeck's work deals with the plight of the disenfranchised.

If you've ever had a near death experience- You may remember a feeling of great desire for only the most basic of needs. I remember time slowing down to a crawl- Thinking, if I just had peace and quiet, warmth- That is all I would need.
Steinbeck shows you that place- and what it means not to have it.

Charles Bukowski

Oh boy.. Bukowski. Ok. You like R Crumb? No wait wait.. Do you like the beatnicks, but they're almost just not dirty enough for you? Then Bukowski is here.
Have you been left by every woman you ever loved? And looking back you know goddam well they were all better than you ever had the right to put your dirty hands on.. Ok. Bukowski will make you feel a little bit better about being the loser dirty asshole that you are.

Martin Luther King Jr

This mutherfucker had balls. Today we see and hear of MLK .. we see pictures of him giving big speeches to large crowds.. We see him when the camera is pointing from below.. and he seems like a powerful figure.
But we forget- MLK was a person. He was not always surrounded by people who liked him. And when he stood alone- He stood. For what he believed. People who breathe what the soul whispers- there are far too few of us taking that path.

Jean Paul Sartre

You are surrounded by all that is most horrible and fearful in your soul. There are monsters and clouds of gray and loneliness that shut out all light.. You are about to be destroyed, and it's going to take a very long time .. Sartre will remind you that even in your moment of deepest despair- your ultimate judge is much harder to deal with than all your horrors.. Your ultimate judge is your self.

Bjork

I saw Bjork on Charlie Rose's show at night. It was late.. I was in Silver Spring, MD. I was alone, it was a bad time in my life. Charlie asked her.. When motivated her to do music? She said.. That she was sitting in her bed at night. And looking around, at all the books, and all the music.. and the things that she enjoyed, that made her happy. And she realized, that these people had taken a risk- to be able to bring this to her. And that she had something inside her- and that it was her turn to share,
Now, I like her music. But that which she said on this show.. It was enlightening. I was moved.

Lou Reed

When Andy Warhol got his band some publicity he wanted this girl Nico to do the singing instead of Lou Reed.
They went to the studio ready to record.. And Nico was supposed to sing all the songs that Loue Reed had written and normally performed. The band said 'fuck you' at the last minute. And Lou Reed sang his songs for all of us to hear.
His work is sad, and grungy.. It's the kind of music the coolest people listen to when they feel like they just don't have another mile in their tank.

Lina Wertmuller

There are a few older films that have really impressed me. "Love and Anarchy", "Swept Away", "Seven Beauties".
When I learned these were made by one woman, I was in awe.

Lina Wertmuller made these films in Italy. These films were made in the 70s, and Italian culture was very much the machismo thing. Women in the kitchen, men in the field.

Her films are brutal. What she does is trick the macho man to watching the film- by appartently siding with every fucked up notion of what place the woman and man are supposed to occupy. And halfway through the thing.. Something unusual will happen

I think Lina Wertmuller is a fucking genius- Almost more than a writer/director. This woman was bordering on social engineering- Making these incredible films that poison the mind of the macho man with the seeds of 'what if?'.

Ernesto Che Guevara

Che could have had a normal happy life in his native Argentina- he could have had a family, a house, a happy normal life. But he travelled about Latin America, and he saw that people were in hell- and when he met people that were ready to lose their life to help them.. Che made that commitment to help our fellow human being.

I believe Che left Cuba because his vision of the world was larger than Castro's. I have a feeling Castro got Cuba and sat down- which is I think the right thing to do. But Che had something else in his veins.. I think this man would have not stopped until he had helped every poor person in the world- by word or by the gun- whatever the fuck it took.
I don't believe in war- I don't believe in hurting others. But I respect that somebody would- to help.

Ayn Rand

Her work is inspiring. It breathes umph- it injects strength into the soul when the world tells you to be less than human. When you feel you are fighting in vain- but it's just the right thing to do- Ayn Rand is there to whisper that doing it the right way- you're in the company of many people who've come before you- and who will come after you have gone.
I find her work inspiring.. When you feel you have nothing to look to for support.

The existentialist present..

What is a hero.. what is a person.
We are given a blank life. If you are an existentialist- you likely believe as I do- that we do not inherit the past. Not just the past of our mothers, but the past of our selves, even!
What you did a few hours ago does not determine who you are right now. You always have a choice.

What do we choose for our lives? What set of wants, desires, dreams and pursuits will we choose to make our own? When you look at our heroes- and you are able to realize that they are first and foremost human beings- The weight of the world will fall upon you- or the liberation thereof- depends on your view; For now the present and the future is whole open.
And you can be whomever you want to be.
You will be whatever you- chosen.

As in the supreme court- even when you don't choose who you are- you still chose. (The Supreme Court of the United States of America gets more petitions for cases than it could really handle- if they reject to take a case, in effect the previous ruling in the case stands- and thus- by rejecting to take a case, they provide ultimate rule upon the matter.)

Not knowing the law does not excuse you for breaking the law. .
It seems almost overwhelmingly impossible that you could be any one of these people. But what if this is true- if you can be anyone you want- any one of your heroes.. It is likely that when presented with such freedom of a choice- you may not pick one person you want to be. But pick amongst the qualities of a variety of people whose personality and character you admire.

I wonder how many of the people who fully become themselves- in effect did just that.

And the rest of us sleep- in fear- in being overwhelmed. In believing it is impossible to become ourselves- fully- without fear- without regret.